Clearly Cave Johnson made all the right decisions in life… truly his are words to live by!
By Leko

Some Advice From 1950’s Cave Johnson

Posted by Shawn Handyside on April 26, 2011 · 1:47 PM

(351 votes, average: 4.68 out of 5)

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Categories:
Advice Meme, Bad Ideas, PC, Playstation, Portal, Science/Math, Valve Software, Xbox 360

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+87 Vote up Vote down

Shawn Handyside 106p · 726 weeks ago

Cave Johnson. We're done here.

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43 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+73 Vote up Vote down

Kevvo 86p · 726 weeks ago

When the anthropomorphized embodiment of life and its associated good and ill fortunes, whether through random capriciousness or outright malice, does gift a person with citric fruits of a distinctive yellow colour, then the person in question has both the right and priviledge to demand that life recede in this decision and withdraw its earlier gift of citric fruits. In raising my voice, I shall further emphasize that the gentleman in question has the right to turn to anger! I asked not for citric fruits, which are both highly acidic and of exceptionally sour and caustic taste! To what practical or sensible application can these yellow citric fruits be put? Issue forth bellicose summons for the being whom life doth cite as its administrator and immediate superior, and instill in the aforementioned administrator a deep regret for its heinous and irresponsible decision! Clearly, life executes its power in both in ignorance and in carelessness, else it would not have bequeathed useless citric yellow fruits upon myself, Cave Johnson! Henceforth, I do declare that I shall command my subordinates, who are talented and knowledgeable in matters most scientific, to convert these citric yellow fruits into combustible devices with which to immolate life's place of dwelling!

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2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+53 Vote up Vote down

Jade Catima 91p · 726 weeks ago

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6 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+45 Vote up Vote down

Leo E. 114p · 726 weeks ago

TRY TO CREATE SHOWER CURTAINS
ACCIDENTALLY CREATE PORTAL GUN

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11 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+31 Vote up Vote down

Doc_ock_rokc 92p · 726 weeks ago

When life gives you lemons

Burn life's house down
WITH THE LEMONS!

Report

3 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+29 Vote up Vote down

smashpro1 94p · 726 weeks ago

Advice Cave Johnson is the best Advice Meme.

Report

2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+25 Vote up Vote down

SushiGummy 110p · 726 weeks ago

Cave Johnson sounds like the kinda guy who had a combustible lemonade stand when he was young, but never made as much money as the kid next door, Gordon.

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1 reply · active 726 weeks ago

+24 Vote up Vote down

therandombear 87p · 726 weeks ago

Yup, this man speaks what we're all thinking!

I support his combustible lemons project.

Report

3 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

invadingduck 96p · 726 weeks ago

BECOME CAVE JOHNSON

USE SCIENCE TO MAKE ADVICE MEMES FUNNY AGAIN.

Report

1 reply · active 726 weeks ago

+14 Vote up Vote down

Lekonua 68p · 726 weeks ago

SEND IN A BUNCH EXPECTING MAYBE 1 WILL GET PICKED

Blank staring Leko

ENTIRE BATCH GOES UP
----------------------------------------------
MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENT ABOUT HALOLZ LOVING ADVICE MEMES

Blank staring Leko

SHAWN TAKES IT LITERALLY

Report

+13 Vote up Vote down

SolidScientist 101p · 726 weeks ago

BURNING PEOPLE.

HE'S SAYING WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING.

Report

2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+11 Vote up Vote down

Lordshadow 97p · 726 weeks ago

SEE FUNNY ADVICE MEME

Advice Lordshadow

BE CONFLICTED

Report

+10 Vote up Vote down

Lekonua 68p · 726 weeks ago

Cave Johnson here. FACT: the key to any successful website is advice memes. And as our data clearly shows, humans can't make advice memes.

The solution? TEMPLATES!

BAM! Templates gave us 6 extra seconds of funny.

Good job, templates.

Report

2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+9 Vote up Vote down

TheUnknownNoob 83p · 726 weeks ago

Hire homeless people.

Trust them with multi-million dollar pieces of equipment.

Report

2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

scubajesus 55p · 726 weeks ago

Couple of them were good quotes, but it would be nice if it didn't take up 3 pages on the front page.

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4 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+7 Vote up Vote down

CriticalQuit 93p · 726 weeks ago

Advice Cave Johnson meme? Awesome.

Rant about Safe Science

Fire imaginary objector

Report

1 reply · active 726 weeks ago

+7 Vote up Vote down

knick-knack 90p · 726 weeks ago

OPEN HALOLZ

SEE ADVICE MEME ಠ_ಠ

(well...at least it isn't courage kratos...)

Report

5 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

Old Man Jenkins 82p · 726 weeks ago

What about the one where he can turn calculator numbers in happy faces when entering numbers of age vs asbestos?

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+5 Vote up Vote down

RenegadeSparks 91p · 726 weeks ago

I know what to name this one, please not courage Cave, I know it isn't alliteration but how about SCIENCE Johnson

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1 reply · active 726 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

GigaCrashMan 41p · 726 weeks ago

World War III will be fought underground...
against mantis-men...
with science.

Report

2 replies · active 726 weeks ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

zeldafan8 76p · 726 weeks ago

This has to be the one advice meme I approve of entirely.

Report

+3 Vote up Vote down

Luigi676 76p · 726 weeks ago

Blood turned into gasoline?

...I think that'd only be normal for gearheads.

Report

+2 Vote up Vote down

Toupe454 · 726 weeks ago

Can't afford $7 worth of moonrocks.

Buy $7 million worth of moonrocks.

Report

+2 Vote up Vote down

Deep Thought 105p · 726 weeks ago

Relevant.

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+2 Vote up Vote down

TehBlueOne 73p · 726 weeks ago

The colours not remind anyone of Irn Bru?

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+2 Vote up Vote down

RemielChibus 102p · 726 weeks ago

Don't worry. That feeling of impending doom is normal. It comes with this module AI system.

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1 reply · active 726 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Xenrek 66p · 726 weeks ago

cave johnson is my hero, and i shall strive to make my future scientific career as great as his.

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Comments by IntenseDebate

120 Comments

therandombear on April 26th, 2011 1:49 pm

Yup, this man speaks what we're all thinking!

I support his combustible lemons project.
scubajesus on April 26th, 2011 1:51 pm

Couple of them were good quotes, but it would be nice if it didn't take up 3 pages on the front page.
Shawn Handyside on April 26th, 2011 1:51 pm

Cave Johnson. We're done here.
Doc_ock_rokc on April 26th, 2011 1:53 pm

When life gives you lemons

Burn life's house down
WITH THE LEMONS!
bc524 on April 26th, 2011 1:54 pm

OPEN HALOLZ

SEE ADVICE MEME ಠ_ಠ

(well…at least it isn't courage kratos…)
SushiGummy on April 26th, 2011 1:56 pm

Cave Johnson sounds like the kinda guy who had a combustible lemonade stand when he was young, but never made as much money as the kid next door, Gordon.
Lordshadow on April 26th, 2011 1:59 pm

SEE FUNNY ADVICE MEME

Advice Lordshadow

BE CONFLICTED
RemielChibus on April 26th, 2011 1:59 pm

Don't worry. That feeling of impending doom is normal. It comes with this module AI system.
smashpro1 on April 26th, 2011 2:15 pm

Advice Cave Johnson is the best Advice Meme.
TehBlueOne on April 26th, 2011 3:16 pm

The colours not remind anyone of Irn Bru?
Luigi676 on April 26th, 2011 3:21 pm

Blood turned into gasoline?

…I think that'd only be normal for gearheads.
seanhl on April 26th, 2011 3:22 pm

I know what to name this one, please not courage Cave, I know it isn't alliteration but how about SCIENCE Johnson
CriticalQuit on April 26th, 2011 4:08 pm

Advice Cave Johnson meme? Awesome.

Rant about Safe Science

Fire imaginary objector
Kevvo on April 26th, 2011 4:14 pm

BUY MOON ROCKS

CONVERT MOON ROCKS INTO FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLAR REPULSION GEL

MAKE HOMELESS MAN JUMP FIFTY FEET ONTO BLUE PAINT.

LAUGH.
Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 4:22 pm

SEND IN A BUNCH EXPECTING MAYBE 1 WILL GET PICKED

Blank staring Leko

ENTIRE BATCH GOES UP
———————————————-
MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENT ABOUT HALOLZ LOVING ADVICE MEMES

Blank staring Leko

SHAWN TAKES IT LITERALLY
invadingduck on April 26th, 2011 4:59 pm

BECOME CAVE JOHNSON

USE SCIENCE TO MAKE ADVICE MEMES FUNNY AGAIN.
zeldafan8 on April 26th, 2011 5:52 pm

This has to be the one advice meme I approve of entirely.
Pioneer1 on April 26th, 2011 6:29 pm

<a (href)="url">words<(/a)>
remove the parenthesis, and post it.
like so
Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 6:56 pm

Halolz is the first result for Courage Kratos! :D
Red on April 26th, 2011 7:09 pm

<img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110421153503/half-life/en/images/thumb/3/3d/SpaceCore.jpg/129px-SpaceCore.jpg" alt="" />
Space!
(as does the space core!)
Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 7:09 pm

WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE +1S?!
smashpro1 on April 26th, 2011 8:22 pm

GET SCIENCE STUFF PUT IN YOU
GET ANOTHER SIXTY BUCKS
Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 9:15 pm

Cave Johnson here. FACT: the key to any successful website is advice memes. And as our data clearly shows, humans can't make advice memes.

The solution? TEMPLATES!

BAM! Templates gave us 6 extra seconds of funny.

Good job, templates.
TheUnknownNoob on April 26th, 2011 10:05 pm

Hire homeless people.

Trust them with multi-million dollar pieces of equipment.
Toupe454 on April 26th, 2011 11:04 pm

Can’t afford $7 worth of moonrocks.

Buy $7 million worth of moonrocks.
Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 11:40 pm

<img src="http://www.majhost.com/gallery/lakonua/Edits/cj_asbestos.png" />
GigaCrashMan on April 26th, 2011 11:56 pm

World War III will be fought underground…
against mantis-men…
with science.
smartmonkey on April 27th, 2011 11:29 am

*Caroline deleted*
GLADOS DISAPPOVES
Xenrek on April 27th, 2011 9:51 pm

cave johnson is my hero, and i shall strive to make my future scientific career as great as his.
Kevvo on April 28th, 2011 1:38 am

http://www.gifbin.com/981625
elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:37 am

OOH I LOVE THIS MAN <3