Monday, April 07, 2025

News Feed Comments

Finally, a practical use for all that portal technology! Assuming that providing a system for letting 13 year olds capture and fight local wildlife is in your definition of “practical.”
By our buddy Caldwell! [LOLDWELL], submitted by several people

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

APERTURE MONSTER CAPTURE DIVISION

Posted by Shawn Handyside on May 9, 2011 · 12:10 PM

FAIL

LAME

NOT BAD

PRETTY GOOD

AWESOME

(359 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)

Loading ...

Categories:
Artistic, Cray-Z Crossovers, Extreme CloseUp, Nintendo, Pokémon, Portal, Science/Math, Secret Items, Sequential Art, Valve Software

· Leave a comment (188 Comments)

Comments (188)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

Login or signup now to comment.

+66 Vote up Vote down

CFW spplmj 122p · 725 weeks ago

Clearly those pokeballs are knock-offs.

Everyone knows real pokeballs are made by Silph Co.

Reply

20 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+46 Vote up Vote down

TehHoboGawd 98p · 725 weeks ago

Scientist: SIR, we've just created hundreds of new dangerous species, what should we do now?

Cave Johnson: Release them all into the wild. Then create some kind of mini containment unit that can recapture them again.

Scientist: S-sir? Isn't that dangerous?

Cave Johnson: Don't worry, we'll be sending kids to capture them, not us.

*Goes to profile and clicks to change name*

Cave Johnson has changed his name to Professor Oak.

Oak: And now I play the waiting game... Those single moms won't know what hit them.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+36 Vote up Vote down

HughbertEsq 98p · 725 weeks ago

*OBLIGATORY COMBUSTIBLE LEMON JOKE*
*OBLIGATORY "CAVE JOHNSON WE'RE DONE HERE" JOKE*
*OBLIGATORY "SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE" JOKE"

I think that covers everything we need in a Portal related post...

Reply

14 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+36 Vote up Vote down

Nick Soapdish 110p · 725 weeks ago

Reply

18 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+32 Vote up Vote down

Henry_Wong 120p · 725 weeks ago

You guys have it lucky, we had to carry our "digital monsters" around in public. Try blending in when you have a rabbit-terrier with machine guns for hands follow you around.

Reply

3 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+22 Vote up Vote down

GameboyPATH 106p · 725 weeks ago

If a Pokeball transports them to an Aperture Science Heat-Supplemented Creature Holding Cell, it would explain why all Pokemon are screaming as they're let out.

Because they were screaming the whole time.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

Axel X 90p · 725 weeks ago

It all makes sense now!
The mantis men? They're all Scyther!

Pokemon came came from Aperture!

Reply

5 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

Pioneer1 71p · 725 weeks ago

What about Kurt?

I want a Level Ball!

Reply

7 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

Wetmang 95p · 725 weeks ago

Portals, Mantis Men, Extreme laxatives what could Aperture Science think of next?!
*cut to board meeting*
Office Drone: "Mr. Johnson, we can't seem to think of any new ways to spit in the face of god! What could we possibly do to continue our efforts in raping the laws of nature?!"
Cave Johnson: "Gentlemen, four words," *table pops up with first pokeball and pikachu* "Genetic Splicing and Cock Fighting!"
Office Drone 2: "Uh sir that's five wor-"
*Cave Johnson pulls out exploding lemon pistol and burns office drone 2*
Office Drone: "Brilliant!"
First Pikachu: "Kiiiiillllll Meeeeeee"

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+13 Vote up Vote down

TheSpaceCore 89p · 725 weeks ago

We need Space Balls in order to better capture space pokemon...in space.

Reply

3 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+13 Vote up Vote down

MC Ninja 107p · 725 weeks ago

Aperture Science
We catch what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us,
except the one's who blacked out.

Reply

2 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

TheKingOfGraves 70p · 725 weeks ago

Good God! All the color drained out of her hat emblem! ... And eyes...

I think Aperture still has a little problem with asbestos.

Reply

9 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

AuraMaster 107p · 725 weeks ago

The Master Ball has a near flawless capture rate, but it has failed before. When it did, I imagine the trainer said "Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen."

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

Fmarulz 79p · 725 weeks ago

after almost 2 years of being in halolz I have finally reached 69.... oh the joy and pain I went to get this far... so many memories..... so many memes, falcons and wolfs.

now I go after the new goal so many are after, the little group of elites that are the over 100 e-peen.
I wish luck to anybody in the same quest as me and for the new halolzer and the old one I wish you the best of luck with the funny quotes and witty things you will coment in the future.

Reply

4 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+10 Vote up Vote down

KZN02 92p · 725 weeks ago

I bet Aperture Science is the reason why since Gen IV the bag can carry an infinite amount of items.

Reply

+9 Vote up Vote down

The Pualrus 100p · 725 weeks ago

And yet no one noticed until the fifth generation.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

Red 104p · 725 weeks ago

http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=497654...
I smell a lawsuit

Reply

11 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

CriticalQuit 93p · 725 weeks ago

The Aperture Science Monster Capturing Capsule is desgined to contain monsters of the pocket variety. Do not touch the operational part of the capsule. Do not look directly into the operation part of the capsule. Do not submerge the capsule in water, even partially.

Reply

3 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+7 Vote up Vote down

coolsnape 62p · 725 weeks ago

IM GONNA MAKE MY ENGINNERS BUILT A COMBUSTABLE POKEBALL AND BURN DOWN YOU POKEMON CENTER WITH THE POKEBALLS

Reply

+7 Vote up Vote down

Axel X 90p · 725 weeks ago

So...does anyone else think that Aperture is giving Shawn compensation for these Portal submissions here? It totally can't be Valve since Gabe is too busy swimming in his pool of money.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down

Prof. Luigi 100p · 725 weeks ago

Cave Johnson here.
Our scientist recently learned that zapping a rat while injecting it with anomalous fluids is NOT a good idea. Rifles were inefective, so we came up with this little guy. Introducing the Pocket Monster Capture Device, otherwise known as the pokeball. New portal technology has allowed us to store any animal in a pocket demention, conveniently placed inside a little ball. Just press the button, throw it nearby the animal, and it will be instantly zapped inside. Expandable and colapsible to fit in a pocket or bag, and enough holding capacity put in a whale. Available at an extremely low price to solve any house hold pest.
Yes, it will also keep those crazy kids under countrol.
Cave Johnson, we're done here.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down

Old Man Jenkins 82p · 725 weeks ago

If your poke-mon get cut during any of these tests, you may notice their blood is pure gasoline, thats normal. We have put invisible pills in your poke-balls to make them weaker to fire types so all that means is that its working!

Reply

+6 Vote up Vote down

Leo E. 114p · 725 weeks ago

It's totally okay that 6 of the last 10 submissions have been Portal. We're not beating a half-dead horse here or anything.

Reply

11 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

smartmonkey 88p · 725 weeks ago

If pokepall was developed by aperture science, then i wonder what will happen if we put a pokeball inside a pokeball?

Reply

6 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

General_Asshat 82p · 725 weeks ago

Make life take the pokeballs back!

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

TheAceOfSkulls 86p · 725 weeks ago

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!
I specifically called dibs on all horrible mutated creatures/monster related research!
And King has the enslavement department!
Remember how much Black Mesa's thefts hurt? Do you really want to do that to your frie... partn... colleag... associat... riva... acquaint... um... people that you have a certain mutual respect for in a similar field as you who go outside of just as many boundaries as you?

Wow... come to think of it, I can sorta see why you did it.

Reply

5 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

Hindsight 88p · 725 weeks ago

110% capture success rate.

Reply

3 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

Hakokoro 82p · 725 weeks ago

So does that makes the professor of all generations actually are workers from Aperture?

Oak actually is ...GABE JOHNSON!

He came as fast as he could when you made combustible lemons.

Reply

6 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

Nyoron 72p · 725 weeks ago

I make pokeballs and pokeball accessories.

Reply

+4 Vote up Vote down

MasterLuigi452 108p · 725 weeks ago

So.....
Pokemons that are caught in Pokeballs transfers to Aperture Science lab for animal testing??

That's.... Not right...

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

SirNumel 97p · 725 weeks ago

Aperture Science is behind the scenes more often than you think. The Ocarina of Time? Developed by Aperture for the royal Hyrulian family. The subspace bomb that warped half a spaceship over Reach? Copied from plans for an Aperture prototype. Albert Wesker's uncanny ability to dodge bullets and teleport? Technology Umbrella Corp. spies stole from Aperture. The warp pipes scattered throughout the Mushroom Kingdom? Commissioned by Princess Peach from, you guessed it, Aperture.

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

nemb94 95p · 725 weeks ago

We need the lemon ball for fire type

Reply

1 reply · active 725 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

Armetron 98p · 725 weeks ago

the poke-ball has been rated completely harmless, do not look into the operating end of the device, do not immerse the poke-ball in a liquid even partially, do not try to dismantle the device, and do not look at the back of the poke-ball or else it may cause extreme lose of color to your face and eyes

Reply

+4 Vote up Vote down

bingomale 2p · 725 weeks ago

this makes an odd amount of sense

Reply

+4 Vote up Vote down

ChemicalKirby 91p · 725 weeks ago

And you thought your pokemans were safe with nurse joy...

Reply

+4 Vote up Vote down

razorman715 91p · 725 weeks ago

I'm just loving the originality in the endless river of portal jokes.

I think we need to update that pie chart.

Reply

4 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

bob · 725 weeks ago

but... doesn't silph co. make them?

Reply

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

yumility 37p · 725 weeks ago

I'm tired of Portal, Pokemon is fine, but there are better lolz than Portal Pokemon. Like Pokemon the Musical. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OheiLvAIouQ

Reply

+3 Vote up Vote down

Gourmet 94p · 725 weeks ago

Don't worry about catching that Charzard, all Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4,000 degrees.

Reply

2 replies · active 725 weeks ago

+2 Vote up Vote down

PortalMan 86p · 725 weeks ago

That's not a turrent, that's a pokeball.... we sell those too.

Reply

Comments by IntenseDebate