Well played Gaben, well played.
Found by Jane L.
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Posted by Shawn Handyside on April 15, 2011 · 3:01 PM
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Categories: Bad Ideas, Incoming Transmission, Internets, Portal, Sneak Attack, Tips & Tricks, Valve Software · Leave a comment (112 Comments) |
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Did you know the site has over 4,000 video game themed lolz?
That's fine, paper masks can fool valves turrets.
or just hold a big cube in front of yourself and crouch. Then you can just crawl up and knock it over.
*Uses mirror, confuses turret, steals all copies of Portal 2, sells them on eBay.*
Well then that explains this video. rel="nofollow">
It's okay Brandon, all you have to do is knock it over and you're fine!
Pfft, what idiot would just grab Portal 2? Grab the HEV suit and crowbar, and you're the world's most untouchable man in an instant.
Hey, while you're in there, see if you can find the glass shell they're keeping HL2:Ep3 in, and then look for the release switch.
<img src="http://images.wikia.com/half-life/en/images/a/a2/Commentary_node.jpg" alt="Pulpit rock" height="258" width="262">
Gabe Newell: Welcome to Valve HQ. Hopefully you have already been able to enjoy our vacant reception area, the scale-size TF2 sentry, and vending machines in your quest to find an unreleased version of [game name here]. You're probably feeling a bit sure of yourself that you have managed to make it this far without anyone calling law officials or feeling the wrath of the after hours janitorial crew. But since we feel that all people should be able to enjoy our titles, whether or not they acquire them legally, feel free to make your way to [Valve department here] to find your copy, but remember that we are not making this easy.
As you were listening to this, we have sealed all the entrances to the premises, including any you've made, and our security system is now releasing a deadly neurotoxin that will flood all the levels of our HQ. If there are any employees that are caught in its wake, they will die eventually though they have since made a living will and signed a statement knowing that we are not responsible. Additionally, we have set up plenty of turrets and other military-grade defenses that should hinder your progress, giving you more time to enjoy the neurotoxin as it fills your lungs and induces blood-filled vomiting.
As you struggle to find [game title here], please also take the time to enjoy the many commentary nodes that we have peppered throughout the premises. These nodes will tell you about the development of [game title here] as well as answer other popular questions like the release date of Half-Life 2: Episode Three, the true gender of the Pyro, our possible involvement with several political assassinations, and my favorite drink.
To listen to a commentary node, put your crosshair over the floating commentary symbol and press your use key. To stop a commentary node, put your crosshair over the rotating node and press the use key again. Some commentary nodes may take control of the game in order to show something to you. In these cases, simply press your use key again to stop the commentary.
If you live, which is highly unlikely, please let me know what you think after you have had a chance to play. I can be reached at gaben@valvesoftware.com, and my favorite pony is Pinkie Pie. Not like you'd live to tell anyone about that. Thanks, and have fun!
Sap it, back-stab the 70 year old security guard and you're good to go.
Brandon: *Breaks in through side entrance* Looks like the coast is clear…
Turret: There you are!
Brandon: O_o
Turret: Dispensing product.
Brandon: Oh God no!
Turret: *opens to reveal copy of Portal 2*
Brandon: Oh… thank you.
Brandon goes through door.
Gabe's Sentry——-->Brandon.
Gabe: Make'n Bacon!
Gabe eats bacon.
I had completely forgotten that they had an actual turret in their lobby… but does this one fire the whole bullet?
huh i was gonna go to the one with the companion cube outside thanks for the pointer gabe
*sneaks in*
wait a bleeding moment DID HE SAY TURRET!!!
"there you are"………………
but at least when the turret runs out of bullets it makes a lovely greater "hello, are you there"
one word
<img src="http://memefolder.com/image/671.jpg">
Been a long time since you commented, eh? Therefore, your +1s are long overdue. Please proceed to the nearest Halolz member to receive your due +1s.
He didn't specify which kind of turret it is.
So it'll probably be a Combine Turret, an Aperture Turret, AND a Level 3 Sentry Gun.
Hey, it's a good suggestion. The other two doors lead to an Antlion Guard room, and a room full of his favorite class, the Spy.
I wonder if that'd work…..
*Hops into a cardboard box, packaged self to Valve HQ*
Heheh, foolproof plan…
Oh, ok I understand. Well at least call him Lessis or Sessil or Selsis or Lisses or Issles or some anagramatical (is there such a word?) name other than the one-that-shall-not-be-named.
Hey how about this account name? SSSiel.
Eh? Eh?
*Puts Gaben mask on*
Turret: There you are! Deploying!
Spy: Ah no, its just me, Gabe Newell
Turret:I don't hate you! Goodnight
*Spy slowly sneaks past*
Wait… no submissions for a couple of days.
What happened to Shawn?
*Cutaway to Shawn in the Valve Enrichment Center testing Gaben's new feeding troughs*
Shawn: No more! No more! I can't eat another bite!
Gaben: So you aren't going to break into Valve again?
With this still up as the top picture, I feel the need to mention that this man has the same first name, last initial, and Valve obsession as a friend of mine. But I know it's not my friend due to the coherent spelling and grammar.
And then after the burgler is cought Gabe goes back to his pool
<img src="http://scarsofwargame.com/DevBlog/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Gabe1.jpg">
now that some turrets are in use
we need the gun..
robots? do it!
I KNEW this would come in handy!
<img src="http://cdimg3.crunchyroll.com/i/spire1/01172008/0/5/c/9/05c91a99e9e1a0_full.jpg"/img>
WHAT COSTUMER SERVICE FROM GABEN ITS NOT POSSIBLE
challenge accepted